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Things that make you laugh...

 
 
 
Keith&Co. said:
Today i wrote up my goals for the next evaluation year. Where i want to be, what i will do to get there, any support i need from my managers.

I hand it in tomorrow. I am making a YUUUUUGE folder for three sheets of paper, labeling it with an Eye of Horus and "My 2020 vision...."
Click to expand...

I always hated those with a passion. You, of course, cannot say "KILL EVERY BLESSED ONE OF YOU BASTARDS!" is your biggest goal. You have to come up with just plain bullshit.
 
ZiprHead said:
Keith&Co. said:
Today i wrote up my goals for the next evaluation year. Where i want to be, what i will do to get there, any support i need from my managers.

I hand it in tomorrow. I am making a YUUUUUGE folder for three sheets of paper, labeling it with an Eye of Horus and "My 2020 vision...."
Click to expand...

I always hated those with a passion. You, of course, cannot say "KILL EVERY BLESSED ONE OF YOU BASTARDS!" is your biggest goal.
Click to expand...
but that's perfect. They keep saying they want measurable progress. What is "Two down six to go,"if not measurable.
Not like mine. Six years in arow, my goal was to be better at writing goal statements...
 
Keith&Co. said:
ZiprHead said:
Keith&Co. said:
Today i wrote up my goals for the next evaluation year. Where i want to be, what i will do to get there, any support i need from my managers.

I hand it in tomorrow. I am making a YUUUUUGE folder for three sheets of paper, labeling it with an Eye of Horus and "My 2020 vision...."
Click to expand...

I always hated those with a passion. You, of course, cannot say "KILL EVERY BLESSED ONE OF YOU BASTARDS!" is your biggest goal.
Click to expand...
but that's perfect. They keep saying they want measurable progress. What is "Two down six to go,"if not measurable.
Not like mine. Six years in arow, my goal was to be better at writing goal statements...
Click to expand...

Shit. Why didn't I think of that.
 
Browsing the FB Purity FAQ and came across this question:
What should I do if I accidentally set the background colour and the font colour to the same color, and can no longer see any text?
Click to expand...
:rotfl:
 
I have diagnosed a strange and previously unknown disability.

I am playing the game Looney Toons: World of Mayhem. Build 4-Warner-Bros.-character teams that fight by dropping safes on each other or beating each other with mallets. Also dynamite.

My best team is led by the Daffy Duck from that time he tried to convince Friar Porky he was Robin Hood, and the team has a collective power of about 16,945 points.

When i glance thru the various teams i can choose to fight, their power rating is dipsplayed, to gauge my chances. At 16.9K, i can reasonably handle anything up to about 18.4K. 19K if i am very lucky. I have seen teams upwards of 30K in my arena. That would be suicide.

But when i glance at the ratings, my mind does not do math. I see only the middle digit. I see someone at 24037, and my 9 is way above their 0, and my goddamned brain thinks my team is more powerful. And before i know it, my finger has already challeged Yosemite-Zilla, and i watch the inevitable destruction unfold.

I never before realized that i have the brains of a Chihuahua....
 
A coworker had custody of his kids for the weekend. At one point his third grader turned to him and said, 'Daddy, you smell like French fries and sadness.'

We still have no idea what she meant. Tried to offer some cheer. 'Hey, at least you didn't smell like beer and sadness.'
'Fuck, i was drinking a beer when she said that!'
Um....oh.
 
Keith&Co. said:
I have diagnosed a strange and previously unknown disability.

I am playing the game Looney Toons: World of Mayhem. Build 4-Warner-Bros.-character teams that fight by dropping safes on each other or beating each other with mallets. Also dynamite.

My best team is led by the Daffy Duck from that time he tried to convince Friar Porky he was Robin Hood, and the team has a collective power of about 16,945 points.

When i glance thru the various teams i can choose to fight, their power rating is dipsplayed, to gauge my chances. At 16.9K, i can reasonably handle anything up to about 18.4K. 19K if i am very lucky. I have seen teams upwards of 30K in my arena. That would be suicide.

But when i glance at the ratings, my mind does not do math. I see only the middle digit. I see someone at 24037, and my 9 is way above their 0, and my goddamned brain thinks my team is more powerful. And before i know it, my finger has already challeged Yosemite-Zilla, and i watch the inevitable destruction unfold.

I never before realized that i have the brains of a Chihuahua....
Click to expand...

Reminds me of a text-based game in computer class way back in the mid-1980s. (Back then, "text-based" and "computer game" was redundant.)

The object of the game was to drill oil wells on a grid and pump for oil. There was a side market where you could buy and sell oil, and the object was to make as much money as possible. For example, you might see an offer to buy oil at $.65 per barrel and later sell it for $.72, thus earning seven cents per barrel.

Unfortunately, because of bad coding, the spot prices were not displayed in currency format, but as integers. So every once in a while, we would see oil offered for sale at $.9 per barrel. "Whoah!" my classmates would exclaim. "I can buy at nine cents a barrel? And sell it right away at sixty-eight cents a barrel. I'll make a fortune!" It took them a while to figure out why they lost money on the deal.
 
The company just alerted us that Tomorrow is Flag Day.

Hooray! Flagday! Flagday! Flagday!



....Hmm. And now my interest has flagged....
 
So it's the annual conversation.
Yes, you have to go to school tomorow.
I know it's the last day. Doesn't matter. Yes, even as a half day.
I do not care if half your friends are not showing up.
Look, your summer vacation starts that afternoon. Just stick it out until noon. I'll put a candy bar in your lunch.

Fine, two candy bars. And a bag of M&Ms, but you will have to share with the other teachers.
 
Keith&Co. said:
So it's the annual conversation.
Yes, you have to go to school tomorow.
I know it's the last day. Doesn't matter. Yes, even as a half day.
I do not care if half your friends are not showing up.
Look, your summer vacation starts that afternoon. Just stick it out until noon. I'll put a candy bar in your lunch.

Fine, two candy bars. And a bag of M&Ms, but you will have to share with the other teachers.
Click to expand...

My wife is also a teacher. I believe her comment this year was, "Yay, I never have to see those bastards in Period 2 ever again..."
 
Sajara said:
Keith&Co. said:
So it's the annual conversation.
Yes, you have to go to school tomorow.
I know it's the last day. Doesn't matter. Yes, even as a half day.
I do not care if half your friends are not showing up.
Look, your summer vacation starts that afternoon. Just stick it out until noon. I'll put a candy bar in your lunch.

Fine, two candy bars. And a bag of M&Ms, but you will have to share with the other teachers.
Click to expand...

My wife is also a teacher. I believe her comment this year was, "Yay, I never have to see those bastards in Period 2 ever again..."
Click to expand...
My wife taught Sophomores for the last ten years.
Next year she teaches Juniors and Seniors... This will include bastards that tought they'd never see her again...
 
Keith&Co. said:
...My Oldest son's fiancé told my Tallest son in passing that she was positively pregnant. He told my wife. My wife told me. I had told some coworkers that she might be pregnant, so I just leaned into their cubicle and said, "The rabbit died."
They had never heard that phrase.
Click to expand...
Got my first Happy Father's Day, Grandpa! card.
Not from a grandchild.
Not from parents of a grandchild.
Not from the as-yet-unmarried couple who expect an as-yet-unborn child.
From my other two goddamned sons, who gave me a card that reads 'We gave the rabbit a Viking Funeral.'

....fuggle-bunkers.
 
My wife may get to chaperone the school choir on a trip to Scotland next year.
Yay, more power to her.
But she was reading the itinerary. One stop is at Urquhart castle. She cannot pronounce Urquhart.
She pronounces every U in the word. And some that aren't there.
Ur-U-Ku-Wart.

I can't get her to just say 'Ur-khart.'
And it's aggravating since we HAVE BEEN to Urquhart Castle, when we were both stationed in Scotland. Admittedly it's been 30 years, but I'm almost certain she has said it correctly at least once.

"AAARGH! Just say Loch Ness. And castle. A castle on Loch Ness. When someone asks 'where are we stopping next?' say you're not sure."
 
Keith&Co. said:
My wife may get to chaperone the school choir on a trip to Scotland next year.
Yay, more power to her.
But she was reading the itinerary. One stop is at Urquhart castle. She cannot pronounce Urquhart.
She pronounces every U in the word. And some that aren't there.
Ur-U-Ku-Wart.

I can't get her to just say 'Ur-khart.'
And it's aggravating since we HAVE BEEN to Urquhart Castle, when we were both stationed in Scotland. Admittedly it's been 30 years, but I'm almost certain she has said it correctly at least once.

"AAARGH! Just say Loch Ness. And castle. A castle on Loch Ness. When someone asks 'where are we stopping next?' say you're not sure."
Click to expand...

Show her Local Hero. It's a lovely movie anyway, and she can identify with the protagonist as he learns to say Urquhart.
 
Wiploc said:
Keith&Co. said:
My wife may get to chaperone the school choir on a trip to Scotland next year.
Yay, more power to her.
But she was reading the itinerary. One stop is at Urquhart castle. She cannot pronounce Urquhart.
She pronounces every U in the word. And some that aren't there.
Ur-U-Ku-Wart.

I can't get her to just say 'Ur-khart.'
And it's aggravating since we HAVE BEEN to Urquhart Castle, when we were both stationed in Scotland. Admittedly it's been 30 years, but I'm almost certain she has said it correctly at least once.

"AAARGH! Just say Loch Ness. And castle. A castle on Loch Ness. When someone asks 'where are we stopping next?' say you're not sure."
Click to expand...

Show her Local Hero. It's a lovely movie anyway, and she can identify with the protagonist as he learns to say Urquhart.
Click to expand...

But watch out for motorbikes.
 
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