Couples with conflicting ideologies

[Brian63]

What is like to have your intimate romantic partner and/or closest friends having diametrically opposed views to yours, when it comes to topics like politics and religion? This comes up because of a recent Trump tweet where he insults George Conway, calling him “A total loser!” George Conway is a prominent lawyer with a popular Twitter following himself and a very harsh Trump critic, often referring to Trump as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). He is also the loving husband of Kellyanne Conway, one of Trump’s top political advisers and frequent defenders on media. How can the two of them look at what the other is saying on TV and in writing and not think of the other as utter slime? Could this latest tweet from Trump be the last straw for Kellyanne, where she will finally say “Enough is enough. I will not defend you anymore, boss, after you call my husband a total loser.” How can someone go to work for a boss who just insulted your spouse like that? How could someone stay married to someone whose boss just insulted yourself so blatantly and he/she did nothing to defend you?

A couple relatives of mine are married and have completely opposing political views, and they have agreed to simply not discuss politics with or around each other. How can a romantic couple ignore that big elephant in the room? It seems incompatible with a healthy, transparent, and open relationship.

Does anyone have experience with this, having romantic partners or close friends who have completely opposed religious and/or political views? Do you simply push the topic aside, or do you discuss it civilly, or other?

 

[TV and credit cards]

Democrat James Carville sums it up nicely when speaking about his conservative libertarian wife of 25 years, Mary Matalin when he says,

“I knew Mary was nuts a long time ago,” Carville writes. “But I loved her in spite of it — and probably because of it.” Later he writes, “I’d rather stay happily married than pick a fight with my wife over politics.”

So I guess it's just the power of love.

Matalin, Carville recall finding 'Love'

 

[Tom Sawyer]

I'm married to a woman who thinks that superhero movies are lame, boring wastes of time and who has absolutely no interest in ripping someone's skull off and eating it in a video game, yet we somehow make it work despite her freaky-assed weirdness.

 

[southernhybrid]

Here's the thing. Not everyone is very interested at all in discussing politics or religion. I guess that's how it works in a "mixed marriage". You simply avoid the topic that causes fights.

My husband and I are both atheists and liberals, but we can still find things to argue about when we work at it. We just never carry a grudge and recover very quickly when we disagree. Maybe that's the secret.

I have no idea how Kelly Anne and her spouse do it. I don't know them personally. I don't know what things they have in common. They have four children and they are both Republicans and Christians, so I don't really think of them as being ideologically apart, other than when it comes to Trump. Maybe the husband really doesn't care what Trump says about him. Maybe he's trying to help his wife see what's wrong with Trump. Maybe she likes being in the limelight or maybe she thinks she has an influence on Trump. Who knows!

James Carville and Mary Matlin are as different as possible when it comes to political views, but they've been married for a long time, so I guess some people are able to do it successfully. Maybe they agree on how to raise their children or some other important aspects of life.

 

[rousseau]

It seems incompatible with a healthy, transparent, and open relationship

Depending on how wide of a chasm there is, I think most people with diverging political views usually just don't end up together, long-term.

It extends to other things too, like personality and extraversion. Prior to dating my wife, I dated a woman for a while who was much more extroverted than me. I knew it'd never work. Basically you're looking to minimize the explosive elements of a relationship, which means being as compatible as possible.

 

[Toni]

The first fight or ten or twenty or...however many we ever had were about politics. One night I got so mad, I stomped out of my apartment. Got half a mile or more before I cooled down enough to say: What's this crap? It's MY apartment!

My father always thought my now husband corrupted me with his liberal ways. I didn't quite have the heart to tell him it was the other way around.

 

[rousseau]

The first fight or ten or twenty or...however many we ever had were about politics. One night I got so mad, I stomped out of my apartment. Got half a mile or more before I cooled down enough to say: What's this crap? It's MY apartment!

My father always thought my now husband corrupted me with his liberal ways. I didn't quite have the heart to tell him it was the other way around.

Heh.

*pats self on shoulder*

My partner and I would set records for compatibility. We've been together for 6 years and have never had any type of full-blown fight. Maybe lost our patience a bit and have been mildly annoyed, or the wrong words slipped out a few times, but that's it.

Every woman I've been friends with or dated shared some essential quality with me. With my wife it's perfectionism and conscientiousness, we both do our best to never say the wrong thing, and we're always aware of the other's feelings. It's actually eerie how well we get along.

 

[Brian63]

MSNBC just finished a segment about this feud amongst the Conways, and noted that George himself is conservative-oriented. I had not known that earlier. I do not know Trump's politics with certainty, but suspect he is somewhat apathetic about it and labels himself as a conservative for political gain.

The insults back and forth between them is more about personal character (or lack thereof). It is not an ideological difference between George and Kellyanne, but a personal antagonism between George and Donald, with Kellyanne stuck in the middle.

 

[Toni]

The first fight or ten or twenty or...however many we ever had were about politics. One night I got so mad, I stomped out of my apartment. Got half a mile or more before I cooled down enough to say: What's this crap? It's MY apartment!

My father always thought my now husband corrupted me with his liberal ways. I didn't quite have the heart to tell him it was the other way around.

Heh.

*pats self on shoulder*

My partner and I would set records for compatibility. We've been together for 6 years and have never had any type of full-blown fight. Maybe lost our patience a bit and have been mildly annoyed, or the wrong words slipped out a few times, but that's it.

Every woman I've been friends with or dated shared some essential quality with me. With my wife it's perfectionism and conscientiousness, we both do our best to never say the wrong thing, and we're always aware of the other's feelings. It's actually eerie how well we get along.

You Canadians are so out of control!


FWIW, I don't see conflict as a big negative. Especially when people come round to my way of thinking. I am more conflict tolerant than a lot of people. And on the big things about how we should run our lives, there is mostly agreement.

 

[Toni]

MSNBC just finished a segment about this feud amongst the Conways, and noted that George himself is conservative-oriented. I had not known that earlier. I do not know Trump's politics with certainty, but suspect he is somewhat apathetic about it and labels himself as a conservative for political gain.

The insults back and forth between them is more about personal character (or lack thereof). It is not an ideological difference between George and Kellyanne, but a personal antagonism between George and Donald, with Kellyanne stuck in the middle.

Rumor has it that Kellyanne is the staffer who wrote that OpEd piece that was highly critical of Trump.

In my opinion, whether one is liberal, conservative or moderate, it is difficult not to see Trump as a thoroughly morally (not to mention financially) bankrupt individual. I often think that he is well into dementia, although some of it may be a calculated act.

 

[southernhybrid]

There is nothing wrong with some conflict in a marriage as long as the two parties know how to handle it. My husband and I are extremely compatible in almost every way, but we are both first borns with strong personalities so it's easy to get into a little tiff over something stupid. He usually starts it but I have no problem telling him to go fuck off. Within a few minutes we're both laughing and have forgotten the argument. We are extremely affectionate with each other and I happen to think that helps maintain a bond too. Maybe not everyone needs it, but both of us do so it works for us.

I have a friend who is an atheist and a liberal, who is married to a Trump supporter who is a Christian. The last election almost ruined their marriage, but I never met the husband so I don't know much about his personality. The two of them are retired GBI agents and she is very fond of his grandkids, so perhaps those things help them maintain a relationship despite their differences. Who knows?

 

[Brian63]

Video link

Kellyanne Conway went onto Fox Business Network and used the opportunity to largely defend Trump and criticize the media...Of course. She criticized the media for making an issue of her personal marriage, but strongly implied that it was the liberal media who was to blame for doing this--not criticizing at all the conservative media interviewer right in front of her at FBN doing the exact same thing. She did not publicly (or at least strongly) criticize Trump for making insulting comments about her husband, choosing to praise Trump instead for various unrelated matters. The whole interview was an embarrassment, but par for the course for her.

 

[Bronzeage]

What is like to have your intimate romantic partner and/or closest friends having diametrically opposed views to yours, when it comes to topics like politics and religion? This comes up because of a recent Trump tweet where he insults George Conway, calling him “A total loser!” George Conway is a prominent lawyer with a popular Twitter following himself and a very harsh Trump critic, often referring to Trump as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). He is also the loving husband of Kellyanne Conway, one of Trump’s top political advisers and frequent defenders on media. How can the two of them look at what the other is saying on TV and in writing and not think of the other as utter slime? Could this latest tweet from Trump be the last straw for Kellyanne, where she will finally say “Enough is enough. I will not defend you anymore, boss, after you call my husband a total loser.” How can someone go to work for a boss who just insulted your spouse like that? How could someone stay married to someone whose boss just insulted yourself so blatantly and he/she did nothing to defend you?

A couple relatives of mine are married and have completely opposing political views, and they have agreed to simply not discuss politics with or around each other. How can a romantic couple ignore that big elephant in the room? It seems incompatible with a healthy, transparent, and open relationship.

Does anyone have experience with this, having romantic partners or close friends who have completely opposed religious and/or political views? Do you simply push the topic aside, or do you discuss it civilly, or other?

Apparently Kellyanne needs the money more than her husband.

MY second wife and I had opposing views on quite a few things, but after a while, she learned I could justify any position with reason and logic. She didn't always like what I said, but had no good argument to refute it.

For myself, I wouldn't take a job that subjected my partner to the wrath of my boss, especially a job that required me to lie in public, knowing every word was going onto video recordings. There can't be that much money in the job.