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How do ducks tell other ducks to duck?


By saying 'duck'.

When mountain ducks attack and try to peck the eyes out of your head, are they trying to send a message about intrusion into duck areas, or are they just mean fucking ducks?
 
When mountain ducks attack and try to peck the eyes out of your head, are they trying to send a message about intrusion into duck areas, or are they just mean fucking ducks?
The very fact that they claim the mountain as a ducks-only area means they ARE mean fucking ducks.


What's the opposite of a 'very' fact?
 
What's the opposite of a 'very' fact?

The 'omni' opinion.

After Obama released all of the vicious ducks on an unsuspecting American public, what will the evil Kenyan bastard think of next?
 
After Obama released all of the vicious ducks on an unsuspecting American public, what will the evil Kenyan bastard think of next?
He shouted 'Duck!' because the unsuspecting Americans thought it was a warning about missile hazards, and they all crouched down where the mountain ducks could reach them.


What did the survivor of the Mountain Duck Attack have to say when the TV crews arrived?
 
After Obama released all of the vicious ducks on an unsuspecting American public, what will the evil Kenyan bastard think of next?
He shouted 'Duck!' because the unsuspecting Americans thought it was a warning about missile hazards, and they all crouched down where the mountain ducks could reach them.


What did the survivor of the Mountain Duck Attack have to say when the TV crews arrived?

Only the mountain ducks survived, and they ate the TV crew. That's why you didn't see it on the news.

Do mountain ducks eat Peking People?
 
Only the really big ones.

Who coined the phrase 'Peeping Tom'?
Several reporters working a story about a Serial Voyeur in Peeping, New York, claim to have been the first to have this idea, though historians actually credit the sheriff, at a press conference promising they'd capture this guy whether he was local or an immigrant.
"We'll get this guy, whether he's Irish, Italian, or even some Peeping Tom, Dick or Harry."
Reporters, having the attention span of a German Shepherd in a squirrel farm, led with 'Peeping Tom' and thought they were being original.

Who is it that buys those strawberry candies at Christmas? THey just sort of....appear.

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Every year. No one ever remembers buying them... Or even seeing them in a store.
 
Several reporters working a story about a Serial Voyeur in Peeping, New York, claim to have been the first to have this idea, though historians actually credit the sheriff, at a press conference promising they'd capture this guy whether he was local or an immigrant.
"We'll get this guy, whether he's Irish, Italian, or even some Peeping Tom, Dick or Harry."
Reporters, having the attention span of a German Shepherd in a squirrel farm, led with 'Peeping Tom' and thought they were being original.

Who is it that buys those strawberry candies at Christmas? THey just sort of....appear.

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Every year. No one ever remembers buying them... Or even seeing them in a store.

They are the concentrated residue of childrens' lost belief in Santa.

Every time a child stops believing, a strawberry candy appears.

Could global warming be solved if we invented a strawberry candy fueled power plant, and then got enough kids confused so that they kept on changing their minds about whether or not Santa exists?
 
Could global warming be solved if we invented a strawberry candy fueled power plant, and then got enough kids confused so that they kept on changing their minds about whether or not Santa exists?

we already have strawberry candy fueled power plants - they're called kids.

Something is wrong with this thread. Either the questions and the answers are getting a lot less stupid, or I'm getting a lot more stupid. Which is it? :confused:
 
Either the questions and the answers are getting a lot less stupid, or I'm getting a lot more stupid. Which is it?
Please forgive the flights of fancy and stretching of imagination muscles. We return to your previously scheduled stupidity. In Re your question: Penis.


Which is heavier, a pound of gold or your mom?
 
Either the questions and the answers are getting a lot less stupid, or I'm getting a lot more stupid. Which is it?
Please forgive the flights of fancy and stretching of imagination muscles. We return to your previously scheduled stupidity. In Re your question: Penis.


Which is heavier, a pound of gold or your mom?

Well my mom's heavier, but a pound of gold is worth ten times more.

So then, it begs the question. . .. which is heavier, a pound of gold or YOUR mom?
 
Please forgive the flights of fancy and stretching of imagination muscles. We return to your previously scheduled stupidity. In Re your question: Penis.


Which is heavier, a pound of gold or your mom?

Well my mom's heavier, but a pound of gold is worth ten times more.

So then, it begs the question. . .. which is heavier, a pound of gold or YOUR mom?

My mom was cremated, so she currently weighs less than a pound. Gold is at $1204/oz today...

You're saying your mom is only worth $1900.00 USD and change?
 
You're saying your mom is only worth $1900.00 USD and change?

Why, yes. She is. Promptly traded her plus a little change in on a new Turbo Encabulator.

Is Gundamium alloy used in the Encabulator? And is it mined by legions of Gungans?
 
Why don't we still use tillers to steer automobiles?
Too many Americans were confused by the need to push the tiller to the right in order to steer to the left.

We're just lucky the steering wheel was invented so long before the digital age. Back when saying 'turn it clockwise' conveyed information, rather than just drawing a confused stare....

Why are people upset when you compliment their liver?
 
Is Gundamium alloy used in the Encabulator? And is it mined by legions of Gungans?

Gungans don't come in Legions. They come in Fire Drills.

Why don't we still use tillers to steer automobiles?

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They tear up the pavement.
Are self driving cars self-starters?
 

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What did tornadoes sound like before freight trains?

Tornado + chicken farm = screaming chicken sound
Tornado + pumpkin farm = smashing pumpkin sounds.

What did kids yell when doing "cannonball" dives before there were cannons?
 
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