ideologyhunter
Contributor
If you wish to never again hear, speak, or read the word cud, I'd like to initiate a more vital science/Bible debate. Did Jehovah fashion his first two humans with navels, or were they more Ken/Barbie in design? Most Bible authorities have sided with the pro-navel position, in that He created man "in his own image", and thus, the first two humans would resemble today's edition. The anti-navelists have pointed out that the Bible's authors were extremely nonplussed with all things gynecological, and therefore pictured an Eden that was not complicated with uteri, cervixes, placentas, and umbilical cords. Early Christendom debated the issue fiercely, and often resolved disputes on the rack or at the stake.
At the Second Council of Nicaea (787 CE), Pope Adrian I renamed himself Umbilicus I, and told the council (referring to Adam and Eve), "Ventre eorum asperis" ("Their stomachs were bumpy".) He claimed to have an original whorl of Adam's belly button lint, which he had closed up in a golden pellet and wore in his own navel. On the third day of the Council, Thomas the Innocent of Worms proclaimed, "Ventres eorum plana sunt" ("Their stomachs were flat"), which caused an armed battle to break out. The Pope personally decapitated ten members of the flat group (called the Planarians of Worms, after the Latin plana, or flat.) He loudly called for Thomas the Innocent to be subdued peacefully, so that he could be put on the rack later that day. Thomas spent the night on the rack, but refused to recant his belief that earth's first two humans were buttonless. The next day he was partially garotted five times, scourged, disembowelled before the Boys Choir of Nicaea (Up With Populus) and burned at the stake.
By the time of the Fifth Council of Constantinople (1341), the controversy had raged through the church for six centuries. The pro-navelists called themselves the Protuberantians, and the anti-navelists were the Planarians. The church hierarchy tended to be Protuberantian. At the Council, Pope Umbilicus XII called for a Sanctum Bellum Umbilicum (Navel Crusade), a holy war to deal once and for all with the Planarian blasphemy. The Council debated the proposal and figured the cost of the undertaking. Ultimately, they decided to launch a down-scaled Sanctum Bellum Ruminatio...which means...Fuck!!...A Cud Crusade to settle the classification of rabbits. I guess we're back to cuds, unless anyone has studied the navel controversies of the early church.
At the Second Council of Nicaea (787 CE), Pope Adrian I renamed himself Umbilicus I, and told the council (referring to Adam and Eve), "Ventre eorum asperis" ("Their stomachs were bumpy".) He claimed to have an original whorl of Adam's belly button lint, which he had closed up in a golden pellet and wore in his own navel. On the third day of the Council, Thomas the Innocent of Worms proclaimed, "Ventres eorum plana sunt" ("Their stomachs were flat"), which caused an armed battle to break out. The Pope personally decapitated ten members of the flat group (called the Planarians of Worms, after the Latin plana, or flat.) He loudly called for Thomas the Innocent to be subdued peacefully, so that he could be put on the rack later that day. Thomas spent the night on the rack, but refused to recant his belief that earth's first two humans were buttonless. The next day he was partially garotted five times, scourged, disembowelled before the Boys Choir of Nicaea (Up With Populus) and burned at the stake.
By the time of the Fifth Council of Constantinople (1341), the controversy had raged through the church for six centuries. The pro-navelists called themselves the Protuberantians, and the anti-navelists were the Planarians. The church hierarchy tended to be Protuberantian. At the Council, Pope Umbilicus XII called for a Sanctum Bellum Umbilicum (Navel Crusade), a holy war to deal once and for all with the Planarian blasphemy. The Council debated the proposal and figured the cost of the undertaking. Ultimately, they decided to launch a down-scaled Sanctum Bellum Ruminatio...which means...Fuck!!...A Cud Crusade to settle the classification of rabbits. I guess we're back to cuds, unless anyone has studied the navel controversies of the early church.
