Assassin's Creed
6/10
I never played the game. Just saying.
5 points off the movie right off the top for being stupid. Ancient super secret assassination group openly wears necklaces designating them as such. They also tattoo their FACES in case you missed the necklaces, which I'm sure aids in their anonymity. Perhaps they wouldn't need to wear hooded outfits all the time, if they just didn't TATTOO THEIR FACES!!!!! They need to use weapons and their bodies as weapons for their purposes, so since fighting to the death against their numerous enemies isn't much of a challenge they like to maim their hands, just to prove their dedication.
Luckily their enemies also like to wear capes and hoods during special occasions, so it's easy to infiltrate when just a tuxedo won't do.
If you don't think about it too much, the concept is pretty cool. Trying to link a person's muscle memories to an earlier ancestor through the DNA of a person in modern times in order to find out things about the ancestor's past. How they actually link real memories is one of the fantasy parts of this movie as is the playback for the characters watching Michael Fassbender's character Cal jerk around like a marionette attached to a machine called the Animus.
Must have been really strange movie to film. On the one hand the actor actually engages in choreographed fighting with other actors, and on the other, he recreates them all on his own, like shadowboxing. I can't imagine how anyone kept a straight face while he was bouncing around in a harness and trampoline.
Neither party is lily-white. One group seeks to destroy human violence by controlling everyone and violently opposing those that try to stop them. The other group seeks to stop them using hyper violence so free will to kill each other remains a viable option in any situation.
The Assassins aren't superhuman but their never-ending strength while doing fantastic Parkour is yet another thing that makes you think "They were taken prisoner, locked up in a dungeon for weeks probably, chained, starved, abused - the Inquisition was not known for its hospitality - but boy, can they come up with the energy when they need it."
The historical scenes are gorgeous to look at if you just ignore the inaccuracy of them.
The modern scenes are rather dumb as well. One of the more unbelievable parts is a man sentenced to death for killing a pimp. In another, son escapes death squad. Well, if a kid with no training could do it, why not his parents who had extreme training?
I don't even want to get into the eyerolling biblical stuff.
Stupid and dumb, but a great mindless action flick for when you have nothing else to do.
Oh, and one positive point back for Michael Fassbender taking off his shirt.
